“Facebook has started rolling out its third-party fact-checking tool in the fight against fake news, alerting users to “disputed content”. The site announced in December it would be partnering with independent fact-checkers to crack down on the spread of misinformation on its platform.” – The Guardian

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“Five years with this gorgeous guy. So blessed.
Wouldn’t change a second of it.”

Fact check: You would change a considerable number of seconds of it. There was that evening you sort of fumbled around with his best friend in that tent – when he reached past you to get a torch and you kissed his bristly cheek in the darkness. There was that night when you screamed “Joe Biden” as you climaxed. And there was that week when you thought you couldn’t handle his odor and were like, “Has he just started smelling like cat food or have I been ignoring it this whole time?”

“Erm, yep, this is a bit crazy. So proud to see my piece as the most read
on the whole of the New York Times!!”

Fact check: Your piece was in fact the most read in one sub-section within one section of the New York Times website. This lasted six minutes until it slipped down to being the eighth most read in that sub-section, 32nd in the entire section, and 116th on the entire Times website. Your piece was seen by 362 people, many of whom statistically would not have read more than three sentences and many of whom, if asked, couldn’t have explained what it was about.

“Going to try taking some time away from Facebook, guys.
If you really need to reach me, try my mobile.”

Fact check: If anything you will be checking Facebook more regularly and more intensely in the next few hours and days in order to keep tabs on the responses to your claim about not checking Facebook. No one will notice your social media detox and the only text you receive will be from your mother, who will have sat on her phone again.

“Heard this great line today: dance like nobody is watching.
Maybe we should all be doing a bit more of that.”

Fact check: Historically, the best standard of dancing has always come to the fore in circumstances in which a substantial number of people were watching the performance. Examples include televised dance competitions; Olympic ballet; and Britney Spears concerts.

“This.”

Fact check: You haven’t read the entirety of the piece you linked to and trust that the urgency of the word ‘This’ will disguise this reality. Only when someone comments on your post will you endeavor to read more than 60% of the article, but by that point you’ll be more interested in an entirely different piece on a much more light-hearted subject and will pretend not to have seen any comments that criticize the initial piece.

“Wow. Just ate my whole weight in brownies.
Send medical assistance!”

Fact check: Eating your entire weight in brownies – something you did not do – would put your body in grave physical danger. You would likely be in some kind of coma. Given the actual circumstances, medical assistance is absolutely not necessary and would be a waste of already stretched resources.

“This is the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.”

Fact check:This is one in a series of cute things you have seen in your life.

“Donald Trump is a hopeless and incoherent moron, less incapable of sincerity or compassion than many convicted murderers.”

Fact check: No factual errors found in this status update.