Dear Kars 4 Kids,

Look, I don’t care how good your band is, you don’t get to just ask people to give you their cars. It’s unfair. People need to work for what they want, not just ask for handouts. And I’m saying this as a fan. You guys are good — really good. You’re probably the best kid band I’ve seen in a while and that’s saying a lot. I’ve seen more than my fair share of kid bands. No I’m not a scout by profession but I know what it takes. And let me tell you, you’ve got it. Just please, please stop asking people to give you their cars. It’s not a good look.

First off, you can’t even drive yet. You’re not fooling anyone with your ages. It’s clearly Kars 4 Kids, not Kars 4 Teenagers, which is honestly something I would expect. Teenagers think the world belongs to them, but not you guys! You’re still humble kids, figuring out the world, not just showing up saying, “Hey, I’m here. Aren’t you impressed? Now give me a car.” I know about these kinds of teenagers because I was one once! We all go through that phase, but you’re not there yet. Don’t rush it. Enjoy your age and embrace it. Let the wonderment of childhood come through in your writing.

Are there adults around that approved of this begging for cars? They should know better. If a bunch of adults that need cars put you up to this, please write back and I will inform the authorities. I am guessing there were adults around considering how professional your commercial is. The wardrobe styling and art direction were amazing, and it was shot really well. I’m holding out hope a talented kid is behind it but not holding my breath.

Do you guys have any other songs? I would love to hear them. You should consider releasing a full album. I would absolutely buy it, though not with my car. If you happen to need a manager, I’d like to be considered. Like I said, kid bands are not my profession but I know my stuff. I think we could do great things together. If it doesn’t work out, no hard feelings. I wish you kids the best. I’m sure one day, after a lot of hard work, you’ll get to buy your very own cars.

Best of luck,
Andrew Benedict