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Donald Trump or
Violet Beauregarde?“Subject to the whims of and deeply beholden to a factory owner whose business empire is very much not thriving, but pretends otherwise for the cameras.” -
The U.S. Government’s Follow-Up Text to Barnard College Employees
Please Select All That Apply:
- I am Jewish
- I am Israeli
- I practice Judaism
- I am Jew-ish
- I’ll fast on Yom Kippur, but that’s it
- Call me crazy, but I kind of like gefilte fish -
This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
“If you think this printed explanation looks like it’s overwhelming the rear of my car, just know it’s only the tip of the iceberg of the immense weight I carry every time I get behind the wheel.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
I Am the Servant in the Beast’s Castle Who Was Turned into a Chamberpot, and Nobody Ever Asks Me to Sing
“I can sing! I can also handle a big number. Honestly, that’s a good description of my day-to-day. Sometimes it’s several big numbers. French food is heavy. Loads of bread.” -
Lists
A Disillusioned Urban Planning Glossary
Affordable Housing – Technically, housing that costs no more than 30 percent of your income. Practically, a rhetorical device used in PowerPoints to mean everything and nothing.
Trending
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 17, 20251925 or 2025?
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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April 15, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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April 25, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: 16
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April 24, 2025Reviews of New Food: Sunshine La Croix
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April 22, 2025An Excerpt from Rachel Deutsch’s Graphic Memoir The Mother
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April 18, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Resurrector: “Like a G6”
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April 15, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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April 14, 2025This Is How We Love:
The Foto-Novel -
April 11, 2025Reviews of New Food: Coffee Mate White Lotus Thai Iced Coffee Creamer
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“This is the kind of magazine you keep on your bookshelves with your favorite books.”
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A thirteen-time National Magazine Award finalist. Subscribe to The Believer today!
Recent Posts
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April 24, 2025From the Diary of a Human Jean Valjean Trapped Inside an Upcoming Les Miserables Muppet Movie
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April 23, 2025I Love You More Than Anything, but I Would Rather Die Than Talk to You on the Phone
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April 23, 2025Childcare Options You Can Afford with the Child Tax Credit
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April 22, 2025Frat Party University Will Not Comply with the Trump Administration’s Demands
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April 22, 2025We’re Eliminating All Urban Tree Plantings Because Trees Are DEI
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